Simply Being Me: Unwritten Angel's Flight: That Someone You Can't Have

Should I smile because he's my friend,
or cry because that's all he is?

Only few of my friends know this blog of mine... so here I am forging this as my online diary!!! I am still sharing bits and pieces of my well, life's journey so please spare me your hates and criticisms... he he he!

Lately I've been trying to divert my attention to something else... online games... blogging... watching anime, jdrama, kdrama, english series... studying nihongo (well this is the only option that I rarely do because it will push me to my limits and I'll be depressed even more hahahaha)... I do all these things to make myself forget my feelings for that someone I know I cannot have...

But, you might be wondering why I am writing this? I needed an outlet wherein I can let this all out... my emotions, my feelings and my aches since I cannot get myself to open up to my friends. Quite frustrating, yeah I know, since I have my friends' contacts, gmail, yahoo messenger accounts, skype accounts and realize that there is no one who will understand, or so I thought. Maybe some will console me... hug me (well those three close friends I am sharing everything with are in the Philippines so I can hug them this coming December T_T)... but I cannot tell them... I don't know.. I just can't...

This someone is not the "hunk-handsome" type, nor the "boy-next-door" type, nor the "tall-ragged-handsome" type... He is "ordinary", simple, someone who will choose comfort first before fashion/style, someone who is confident but not bossy, he is sure of himself yet not cocky... he is smart but not the "know-it-all" person... he is the one whose humor will always make me laugh... he can cook (definitely @_@)... he just knows how to melt my heart...

He is someone I can say "The One"... なのに。。。however... he has found his "Other Half"... yes... and she is not me.. Sometimes if somebody would ask who I wished I could be at this moment... I'd answer.. I wanted to be "her" so that he would love me too... aarggggh PATHETIC ME! Hey, I love myself... I love being me.. why wish to be someone else? HA HA HA.. so conflicting.. my ideas are...

Anyways... I am teaching myself to stop loving that someone I cannot have... There are times I wish I haven't known him so that I have an excuse just to say "hi.. wave, smile and then go" just like acquaintances do... nevertheless, we became close and acting like I haven't known him or ignoring him would be strange to him... and he might force me into talking what's wrong... and I cannot do that... so the only thing I could do now is to continue to be his "FRIEND"... yes, painful... but its alright.. I have accepted the reality... just being close to him is enough... I just want to enjoy his company. He is such a good friend and I don't want to embrace the idea "I-already-cannot-have-him-and-still-lose-our-friendship" stuff... Gosh the idea is NIGHTMARE!!! Noooo unacceptable.. He he he.

It is tough... but I guess I did mention this on my first blog post "REALITY IS HARSH"! Well that's life for you. Giving you all the challenges and difficulties to mold you to become a better person. And according to Bernice Reagon: "Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are"... Indeed, no other words I could add up to that statement... straight and simple.

The prettiest smile hides the deepest secret...

What is written in the header picture is "Sayonara Memories"... this is not because I want to forget everything... it is just that the memories I have of him will forever be treasured but I sure know that time will pass and these feelings of mine will fade away...

Actually, this Sayonara Memories is a Supercell Song and I can totally relate to the whole lyrics of the song! I don't know why but almost all of the Supercell songs are like "MY STORY"... he he he...

However, in Sayonara Memories lyrics... at the last part, the girl was able to convey her feelings to someone she loved... however in my case, I've made my resolve... I don't want him to know... I will forever be his loyal friend... and I will forever cherish our time together ^___^...

If miracles do happen, and he'd love me... then I would be the happiest... its just that... miracles rarely happen and so I will expect no more. Good thing I was raised from a family with a lot of challenges, because now, I can handle pain and difficulties better... I could smile and do my work normally as if nothing happens and act as if I am not hurting.

So for those who share the same fate as I am.. loving "that someone you can't have" don't despair... you will feel pain... yes... just simply think of it as a test... don't be bitter he he he (this is important) ;)... It is not always going to be easy... but always remember, God has big plans for all of us... we just need to believe :)