That Someone You Can't Have

Should I smile because he's my friend,
or cry because that's all he is?

Only few of my friends know this blog of mine... so here I am forging this as my online diary!!! I am still sharing bits and pieces of my well, life's journey so please spare me your hates and criticisms... he he he! 

Lately I've been trying to divert my attention to something else... online games... blogging... watching anime, jdrama, kdrama, english series... studying nihongo (well this is the only option that I rarely do because it will push me to my limits and I'll be depressed even more hahahaha)... I do all these things to make myself forget my feelings for that someone I know I cannot have... 

But, you might be wondering why I am writing this? I needed an outlet wherein I can let this all out... my emotions, my feelings and my aches since I cannot get myself to open up to my friends. Quite frustrating,  yeah I know, since I have my friends' contacts, gmail, yahoo messenger accounts, skype accounts and realize that there is no one who will understand, or so I thought. Maybe some will console me... hug me (well those three close friends I am sharing everything with are in the Philippines so I can hug them this coming December T_T)... but I cannot tell them... I don't know.. I just can't... 

This someone is not the "hunk-handsome" type, nor the "boy-next-door" type, nor the "tall-ragged-handsome" type... He is "ordinary", simple, someone who will choose comfort first before fashion/style, someone who is confident but not bossy, he is sure of himself yet not cocky... he is smart but not the "know-it-all" person... he is the one whose humor will always make me laugh... he can cook (definitely @_@)... he just knows how to melt my heart...  

He is someone I can say "The One"... なのに。。。however... he has found his "Other Half"... yes... and she is not me.. Sometimes if somebody would ask who I wished I could be at this moment... I'd answer.. I wanted to be "her" so that he would love me too... aarggggh PATHETIC ME! Hey, I love myself... I love being me.. why wish to be someone else? HA HA HA.. so conflicting.. my ideas are... 

Anyways... I am teaching myself to stop loving that someone I cannot have... There are times I wish I haven't known him so that I have an excuse just to say "hi.. wave, smile and then go" just like acquaintances do... nevertheless, we became close and acting like I haven't known him or ignoring him would be strange to him... and he might force me into talking what's wrong... and I cannot do that... so the only thing I could do now is to continue to be his "FRIEND"... yes, painful... but its alright.. I have accepted the reality... just being close to him is enough... I just want to enjoy his company. He is such a good friend and I don't want to embrace the idea "I-already-cannot-have-him-and-still-lose-our-friendship" stuff... Gosh the idea is NIGHTMARE!!! Noooo unacceptable.. He he he. 

It is tough... but I guess I did mention this on my first blog post "REALITY IS HARSH"! Well that's life for you. Giving you all the challenges and difficulties to mold you to become a better person. And according to Bernice Reagon:  "Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are"... Indeed, no other words I could add up to that statement... straight and simple.

The prettiest smile hides the deepest secret...

What is written in the header picture is "Sayonara Memories"... this is not because I want to forget everything... it is just that the memories I have of him will forever be treasured but I sure know that time will pass and these feelings of mine will fade away...

Actually, this Sayonara Memories is a Supercell Song and I can totally relate to the whole lyrics of the song! I don't know why but almost all of the Supercell songs are like "MY STORY"... he he he...

However, in Sayonara Memories lyrics... at the last part, the girl was able to convey her feelings to someone she loved... however in my case, I've made my resolve... I don't want him to know... I will forever be his loyal friend... and I will forever cherish our time together ^___^...

If miracles do happen, and he'd love me... then I would be the happiest... its just that... miracles rarely happen and so I will expect no more. Good thing I was raised from a family with a lot of challenges, because now, I can handle pain and difficulties better... I could smile and do my work normally as if nothing happens and act as if I am not hurting.

So for those who share the same fate as I am.. loving "that someone you can't have" don't despair... you will feel pain... yes... just simply think of it as a test... don't be bitter he he he (this is important) ;)... It is not always going to be easy... but always remember, God has big plans for all of us... we just need to believe :)

as long as he is happy...
my heart smiles with him :)

I am very thankful I met him ^^

I just thought of writing out my emotions... but I ended up giving pieces of advice lols...

till next time...

ja ne!

Note: Thanks to internet images for the Supercell album pictures ;)

An Enchanted Encounter: Spirited Away Rememory!

Chihiro: How did you know my name was Chihiro?
Haku: I have known you since you were very small.

Chihiro: You don't remember your name?
Haku: No, but for some reason I remember yours.

千と千尋の神隠し( Sen To Chihiro No Kamikakushi: Sen and Chihiro's Spiriting Away) 

Spirited Away was the first ever Miyazaki Movie that I watched, and until now, I cannot get tired of watching it over and over again. When I think of it, I lose count of how many times I've watched this. I could still remember my emotions while watching and my reaction after the movie... I wanted more of Haku and Chihiro... but I also believed that the ending of the Spirited Away is the "RIGHTFUL" ending! The outcome of the movie kept on lingering on my mind for the whole semester of my 2nd year college... HA HA HA!

The story begins as Chihiro and her parents take a wrong turn down an old dirty path while traveling to their new home in the country side. They then discover a tunnel at the bottom of the path. Chihiro's father insists on exploring and they crossed the dry riverbed which leads them into a mysterious town filled with restaurants that have all kinds of delicious food. Chihiro's parents didn't hesitate to sit down and start helping themselves to some food, Chihiro however, senses danger and she refuses to eat. Chihiro's doubt of the strange town leads her to wander off and explore. She comes upon a bridge and meets a young boy named Haku. The boy then tells Chihiro that she must leave before nightfall. As night falls, she is terrified to see the area fill with faceless spirits, she then runs off to find her parents and discovers too late that they have been turned into pigs. The dry riverbed they crossed before is now filled with water, thus she's unable to cross becoming trapped in the Spirit World. 

Chihiro runs off and hides, Haku then finds her and promises to help her. He gets her a job working in a bathhouse for the thousands of gods and spirits. Though the work is hard and the people strange, she does as well as she can. Haku also reminded Chihiro to never forget her name since it is also one of the key to be able to go back to Human World. 

Her parents, however, are still waiting in the bathhouse's stockyard, and Chihiro must find a way to break the spell on them before they end up as the main course of some guest's dinner.

Thus the mysterious adventure of Chihiro began... Chihiro's passion and determination... and Haku's love and compassion... helping each other... indeed love and friendship knows no boundaries...

This indeed is a heart warming story and I am so happy to have watched this movie... I also wanted to share the video from YouTube a picture slideshow of the movie and the background music "Always With Me". This song is from the movie also and I really really love it. I am not the one who created the video... just sharing it though ;)...

Lyrics below from animelyrics.com

yondeiru  muneno dokoka okude 
itsumo kokoro odoru  yume wo mitai

it's calling out from deep within the heart 
I always want to dream cheerful dreams

kanashimi wa  kazoe kirenai keredo 
sono mukoude kitto  anataniaeru

sadness can never be counted but 
I will be able to see you on the other side

kurikaesu ayamachi no  sonotabi hito wa 
tada aoi sora no  aosawo shiru 
hateshinaku  michiwatsuzuite mieru keredo 
kono ryoute wa  hikariwo idakeru

every time people repeat mistakes, 
they know the blue of the simply blue sky 
it seems as if the road continues endlessly but 
these hands can find light

sayonara no tokino  shizukanamune 
zeroni narukaradaga  mimiwo sumaseru

the quiet heart when parting 
the ear listens as the body changes to zero

ikiteiru fushigi  shindeiku fushigi 
hana mo kaze mo machi mo  minnaonaji

living, mysterious, dying, mysterious 
the flower, the wind, the city;  they're the same

yondeiru  muneno dokoka okude 
itsumo nando demo  yumewo egakou

it's calling out from deep within the heart 
let's draw out dreams always, numerous times

kanashimi no kazuwo  iitsuku suyori 
onaji kuchibiru de  sotto utaou

instead of stating the number of sadness 
sing softly with the same lips

tojiteiku omoideno  sononakani itsumo 
wasuretakunai  sasayakiwo kiku 
kona gonani kudakareta  kagami no uenimo 
atarashii keshiki ga utsusareru

even in the closing memories, there are always 
whispers that cannot be forgotten 
even on the shattered mirror shards, 
a new scenery is reflected

hajimari no asa(no)  shizukana mado 
zeroni narukarada  mitasarete yuke

the quiet window on the beginning morning 
the body that is changing to zero is being pleased

umi no kanatani wa  mou sagasanai 
kagayaku monowa  itsumo kokoni 
watashi no nakani  mitsukeraretakara

I won't search beyond the sea from now 
the shining thing is always here, 
it can be found within myself

I have watched other Miyazaki's movies and so far Spirited Away is still my favorite... Hands down to Hayao Miyazaki for creating such majestic masterpieces m(^_^)m. What a great way to inspire everyone...

I created a heroine who is an ordinary girl, someone with whom the audience can sympathize. It's not a story in which the characters grow up, but a story in which they draw on something already inside them, brought out by the particular circumstances. I want my young friends to live like that, and I think they, too, have such a wish.

- Hayao Miyazaki 

From Interview: Miyazaki on Sen To Chihiro No Kamikakushi

This ends my Spirited Away Rememory!!!

Till Next time...

ja ne.. ^_^

Sakura!!! OH Sakura!

Hatori:"What do you think snow becomes after it melts?"

Tohru:"What? Um, let's see. It..It becomes spring, doesn't it? No matter how cold it is now, spring will come for sure. Amazing, isn't it? Snow always melts away. Always. I love spring the most."

This is a snippet conversation from one of the anime that I love... Fruits Basket!... When snow melts, spring will come for sure... 必ず。。。And when spring comes... Cherry Blossoms or "SAKURA" will adorn the whole place. 

Its beauty and its promise to each one of us for a new beginning will surely touch everyone's heart. 

If Tohru from Fruits basket, had Spring as her most favorite, Spring for me is the 2nd... I love Autumn more.. anyways.. let's talk about Spring and Sakura...

Lovely Sakura I captured last year April 7, 2012

This year, Im too busy enjoying myself with the snow and snowboarding, I wasn't able to go to Hanami / Sakura Viewing with some of my friends. The Sakura Bloom this year was way too early in Tokyo areas... This week, the Sakura trees in almost all Parks in Yokohama area are now withering :(... Sakura blossoms will only last at most 2 weeks from first bloom...

Too bad for me,  Thus, I just want to share our Hanami last year 2012... since I was not able to write anything about this as well. And also its been a year since then, Today is April 7, 2013... We did have our first Hanami last year April 7, 2012...

When I first came here in Japan, I swear to myself I would lavish myself with Sakura views and take note.. LIVE Sakura viewing... ^_^...  and my wish was granted last year :) we went to two Parks with great number of Sakura Trees, parks good for Sakura Hanami... 

First we went to Sankeien Garden...

We really had fun... enjoying the view and the food we brought. It was also a great time to celebrate one of my friends' birthday... The only thing that sometimes annoy us was the COLDNESS!... Gosh, we thought that since it was already Spring, we don't need to wear thick clothing, however... in Sankeien Garden.. it was soooooooo COLD! Right now, I could still remember me shivering.. HA HA HA!!!

まいいか！To sum up everything, it was a GREAT FIRST HANAMI I had... 

Here are some of the pics we had in our Sankeien Hanami!

Our First Touch of Sakura Flower ^_^

Me enjoying the SAKURA!!!

Beautiful... isn't it?

Midst the coldness... vanity it is!

And since, we still wanted more of SAKURA... we went to Showa Kinen Koen... or to call the park easily Tachikawa Park.. HE HE HE... 

It was a huge park, you need to ride a bike to explore the whole place... and the pressure is on... I need to learn how to bike... o.O OMG! And so, I practiced riding the bike the night before and TADA! I really am productive under pressure HA HA HA... I learned how to bike in less than 3 hours.. YEY! I'm a fast learner, am I not? 

The park was full of various flowers.. and many many many BEAUTIFUL Sakura Trees... we brought a lot of foods too... that was super great experience, much more enjoyable compared to our Sankeien trip.. ;) The place was lovely!!! 

Here are our pics ;)...

Lovely tulips that will make you smile :)

Tulips and a lot of flowers everywhere... weeee

^_______^

Don't know why, I just love this shot ^_^

We were acting like we own the place.. ha ha ha

Me trying to steady my balance.. ;)

Sakura... oh you're so close to me.. <3

 A group pic to end a wonderful Hanami 2012... ^_^

Japanese and those people living in the area where there's Spring... are very lucky... witnessing Sakura blossoms every year is a gift... And I am happy indeed that at least, I was able to witness such beauty.. All I could do now is to cherish this experience... This is one of the happenings in my life I would never forget ^__^... 

till next time...

ja ne

Hey look... its snowing... Lets go SNOWBOARDING!!!

What comes to your mind when you encounter the word SNOWBOARDING? 

YES, you are correct.. SNOW AND BOARD! Get to the snow... use a board and enjoy!!! ha ha ha.. describing the world literally could sometimes be funny... well it worked for me.

It is already Spring here in Japan and I just wanted to write my Winter Snowboarding Adventure just to remind myself of the fun awesome moments I experienced. And well just to share my experience to those who read this.

Last year, I was able to stand on my board while descending the snow covered slope and I am already happy with that.. 

My first ever picture descending the slope without falling...

However, it seems that when you have already started Snowboarding, you'll be addicted, hooked and can't get enough of the FEEL!!! You will eventually try different styles to appease your hunger...

Snowboarding has various styles and stunts and just by standing on your board while descending is BORING! That is why, during our first Snowboarding session of 2013, my friend taught me the S style... it's such scary and difficult style.. but I did manage to do it... YEY!

Then came our 2nd and 3rd snowboarding trip... an ADDICT we are.. YES!.. We don't really care how much we spend just to enjoy this kind of sport... (but honestly we chose cheaper packages and after the trip we were kinda redoing our budgeting... lmao)...

I was able to do the S style without falling on a not-so-steep slopes, yet, I still have fears when it comes to steeper slopes that is why, I only did the basic style when I am boarding on steeper slopes... YES I AM SCARED OF STEEPER SLOPE, BUT SO WHAT... I AM ENJOYING ANYWAY!!! Words from a bitter person.. HA HA HA... But during our 3rd snowboarding trip, I was able to do S style twice before falling.. HA HA HA... talking of facing fears.. I took the risk for 10 seconds.. lols... 

I am commending my friends who are not afraid to try different styles on steeper slopes... I hope that by next year, I would be able to board confidently... no fears.. only joy!... 

Below are some of our pictures during our SNOWBOARDING ADVENTURE!... 

I feel so great with this pic.. lols

We are trying to steady our stance to give way for our vanity.. 

Our picture riding the lift... 

1st Snowboarding Trip Vanity

2nd Snowboarding Trip vanity hahahaha ^^

This was during our 3rd snowboarding trip.. group photo...

Below is the link to our video from our last trip... Too bad I was not able to capture my own video version though... nonetheless, this is a great video at least I did the S style (see video @4:18 to 4:23 time frame).. A perfect way to show off just a little HA HA HA...

Video link here ==> 3rd SNOW BOARDING 2013

Here are also the places where we enjoy our Snowboarding!!!

January 18 - 20 Trip: Madarao Kogen

March 8 - 10 Trip: Tsugaike Kogen

March 29 - 31 Trip: Nozawa Onsen

Such wonderful places... 

Great Snow! 

Great Accomodation!

Great Food!

Friendly Staffs!

But my most favorite is our last trip Nozowa Onsen! Though we were quite nervous of the kind of snow since it is already Spring in Tokyo areas, but still the resort was still SUPER GREAT! We went to the highest slope for beginners (8km)... We were able to descend an 8km slope for only 20 minutes.. great isn't it? Just bragging! HA HA HA! ^______^

Anyways, I am really grateful that I was assigned here in Japan for longer term... Experiencing this kind of sport is ecstatic... you will always want for more... more.. and more... I am already looking forward to our Snowboarding Adventure 2014... hihihi and at that I swear I will be doing various styles on steeper slopes.. but before that.. I will now start saving to buy cooler snowboarding wear and gadgets... Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!

For those who haven't tried SNOWBOARDING, try it and see for yourself how this sport will change your life.. 

til next time

ja ne...

Snow and Snowflakes

I grew up from a country where there only exists 2 seasons RAINY and SUNNY seasons... 

When I started watching anime and foreign movies... I was simply amazed at their seasons. 4 SEASONS! Autumn, Winter, Spring and Summer. WOW! 

Why on earth we only have 2 seasons?  I then wished I was born in Japan for some reasons, one of which obviously is the Weather SEASON. 

When you mention 4 seasons in our country.. its kinda a drink... ha ha ha.. del monte / dole four season drink... anyone familiar with this drink?1 of my favorite though just to let you know.. ;)

What attracted me first with the Four seasons is Winter.. Why? Because of SNOW!!! 

Oh I would love to try walking under the snow with all the fur coats and boots... I would love to feel the snow on my palm... its coldness and the warmth it would feed my heart ... I would love to take romantic walks in the snow... while its snowing or is about to snow. I would love experience the feel entering a warm house / restaurant after the walk in the snow... and drinking hot chocolate drink. That would be so great experiencing such little joy! 

The more I watched animes and movies, the more movie producers associate Christmas with SNOW... well because in America, Japan, Russia or even in Europe... Christmas happens during Winter... How I envy those people!

Nevertheless, just to fend off my jealousy, I just dream that someday sooner or later, I would be able to witness live snow ^__^...  And I got hooked with snowflakes pictures... I have been using snowflakes as my project designs when I was in high school or even college.. Snowflakes looks great with the color blue.. I don't know why.. it will always calm my heart! There are only few things I really wanted to associate with blue.. because for me blue is special.. my favorite... well my next fave is pink and all my stuffs are soooo pink... hehehehe well don't ask me why.. I've mentioned it already ;)... 

Eventually, when I started to work as an engineer, my dream came true ^________________^... dream country and dream seasons!!! Perfect!... Indeed patience is a virtue... 

I couldn't stopped my self from smiling at that time... the feel of SNOW... and the real SNOWFLAKE! I was able to wear fur coats and boots... I felt the snow in my palm... it warmth my heart indeed... I drank hot chocolate drink.. I did have walk while snowing with my friends.. well friendly walk.. not the romantic one I've been imagining but its OK! Well someday.. a walk in the snow with the "Mr. Right One".. 

So much for my never ending excitement... just a piece of advice from yours truly:

Just Don't Stop Believing.. Keep on Dreaming.. And Everything will follow accordingly... 

ja ne...

Note: The pictures except my self pic were not mine... I just got

it from the internet ;)

A Year +

I am a kind of person who wants surprises :)). Honestly.. its true and I would not lie about it... I want to feel the thrill of being surprised in a good way! I have been imagining events, oh well let us say I've done a lot of "imaginings"... that my family or friends will surprise me on special occasions... But sometimes, there were no surprises... 

However, my 2013 Birthday came as a great surprise ^__________^ and I am so happy! HA HA HA... 

Here are the surprises I got on my birthday!!!

Even if I am currently working in Japan, my 3 closest friends in the Philippines sent a snail mail... inside were our pictures together and their messages... printed family pictures and my self portrait... kinda cool.. they were so creative.. and I was deeply touched! I cried reading their messages... ooops.. :') I love them all... We call ourselves JM3... hahaha so way out of the topic...

they did a good job selecting my best poses hahahaha...

My friends and colleagues here in Japan also did the AWESOME surprise! I wanted to bake my own birthday cake and since my friend has an oven, we went to his place.. Jeddo and Potato (its my way of calling them) willingly helped with the cake and after hours of baking... TADA! My Birthday CAKE!

a snowflake designed Devil's Food Cake!

I have been wishing a snow on my birthday! and since we were not so sure if there will be a snow or not so Jeddo designed the cake with a snowflake ^___^. We finished the cake late at night and I requested Jeddo if I could sleep at his place just for the night but he refused.. I was shocked.. What? Why? He then explained to me that "someday" I will understand... And so I thought its a "boy" thing.. Well I went home... travelling for 1 hour so sleepy and soooo cold... @_@... but anyways.. on the day of my birthday... so early morning I was so surprised... at 6:30 am Jeddo rang the bell with a different cake and a gift! waaaaaaaaaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I am sooooo touched!... the reason why I was not allowed to sleep at his place at that time was that he was planning to bake another cake... T___________T I am soo surprised. It was one of my fave cake "THE WHITE TRUFFLE CAKE!!!" and the gift and the message.. I am soo blessed to have him as one of my closest friend! 

the cake, walking / barking dog, and the touching message!

I thought that the surprises were over... but I am mistaken!... YES... the surprises just keep on coming... during our lunch in the office... they gave me another gift.. ONE PIECE 950 Puzzle Pieces!!! What shocked me was that I was the one who chose the puzzle because I thought Potato would buy it for himself.. hahahaha I was quite jealous since we would be buying the puzzle I really really want to have... BUT IT WAS FOR ME ALL ALONG!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAH... 

one piece when they were still kids... YEY!

And they also gave me flowers...

oh the sweet smell of these lovely ones... 

And their messages on a special cut snowflake papers 

hand-made by Jeddo.... waaaaaaaah 

others wrote funny messages hahahaha...

I am deeply touched... all the gifts, cakes, messages... and loving greetings from my parents and brothers warmed my heart and completed my day... It was such as lovely birthday... I thought I will feel alone during my birthday since I am away from HOME but with my friends surrounding me... I never felt lonely! I am indeed loved and I loved them all too... 

I will never forget this moment.. they are my treasures... 

I always say this:

"it is not the years in my life that count. It is the life in my years."

Indeed... my family and friends are my inspiration to always move forward midst the difficulties life would bring!

til next time...

ja ne

My First Ever French Vanilla Souffle

After watching MasterChef USA Season 1, I really wanted to make my version of souffle... My bet on MasterChef  was Whitney Miller and she won... I am sooooo happy for her... She inspired me to be a cook.. not to be famous.. but to cook delicious foods for my loved ones ^_^

Well anyways... I will share my first ever souffle!!! 

I just followed the instructions from http://www.youtube.com/user/EugenieKitchen?v=jc1DtH-OC94

The ingredients are as follows:

1. 1 tbsp. unsalted butter
2. 1 tbsp. all purpose flour
3. 1/2 cup of milk
4. 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
5. 2 tbsp. caster sugar (granulated sugar)
6. 2 eggs
7. Pinch of salt

I would be repeating everything Eugenie says in her blog if I write the recipe here.. here is the link for the procedure though: http://eugeniekitchen.com/vanilla_souffle/...

Anyways.. my goal is to experience or to feel the excitement in making / baking the souffle... and I was able to do it.. YEY!!! Thanks to my ever supportive friends Jeddo and Potato... We anxiously waited for 15 minutes in front of the oven just to check if our souffle will really rise... and it did... WAAAAAAAH we were like little kids so happy watching our work perfectly risen.. =))... 

Here is the picture of my first ever french vanilla souffle ^__^

til next time...

ja ne